Heads or Tails

How can I possibly sum up my time here so far?

The answer: I can't. So, I won't try. I will, however, let you into a few thoughts I've had as of late.

Personality. The one I am most familiar with, of course, is my own.

Now, before I go on, I realize that some of what I'm going to say might sound arrogant. Two things...one, there might be a bit of that involved, but I really do try and keep it minimal. Two, it is, after all, my blog, so...yeah. Boom.

I find that often people think that I have a personality that is enviable. Not everyone, and its quite possible I'm making more out of this than I should. But, for the sake of argument, go with me.

I think the problem with personalities is that we just look at the good or the bad, and not how they are related. We look too much at one aspect or another, and not how they are interconnected. We forget that strengths and weaknesses are not two different things, but just the same trait in different circumstances. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak.

People think I am confident, and yes, I am. But, the issue is that I am confident in 95% or so of life...but, the areas where I'm not, I'm at a complete loss. I am so used to be confident that when I am not, it makes the lack of confidence that much stronger. Not unlike being in a bright room and then going out into the dark. Not only can you not see, but it feels that much worse because seconds before you could see so clearly.

I am an extremely independent person. This has its advantages, to be sure, in the fact that I can and do make my own decisions quickly. I can do my own thing, and be perfectly fine if no one else comes along. But, that's not how life works. Americans like to think that's what life is, but its not. We are not just individuals, but more individual parts of a greater whole. Yes, my decisions should be made quickly, but they should not be made at the expense of the community. So, independence is good, but only when tempered with a genuine care for the community.

I often make decisions very quickly, often to the point of being rash. On the one hand, yes, that's good...people react well to a confident decisive leader. But, being decisive also tends to become its own master, developing a life of its own. Decisiveness often gives way to impatience, and the motivating factor just becomes not wanting to slow down. Speed begins the decision maker, as opposed to logic or common sense. Decisiveness, good. Impatience, bad.

I don't know how well I've done at demonstrating that these traits are two sides of the same coin. Decisiveness is what it is called in one situation, impatience in another. I think the issue comes in that we just see it as EITHER decisiveness OR impatience, and not the same thing. We like to make the issues black and white, good and bad. That's not how life works, though. Life is a cacophony of color, as even gray doesn't begin to encompass all that we would hope. People are not just one thing or another, but are somewhere on a spectrum.

So, instead of looking at how awful a person's tendencies are or even how wonderful they are, we need to realize that there is more to the story. Instead of focusing just on the downside of impatience, we should encourage the person to be decisive, but also to help temper that a bit. Instead of praising someone for their independence, we need to help them to temper it a bit with looking to the communal good above that of themselves.

And, look in our own lives. We are not just bad, or good. We are somewhere in the middle, and coming to terms with our own character traits is important. Realize that if you are often someone's doormat, that also means you are quite caring and compassionate. It just means you need to temper that compassion with a bit of steel in your spine, and realize that compassion is also imposing boundaries on people, not letting them just walk all over you. We need to learn to use our brokenness for the greater good, and not just look at our lives and mope. Yes, I fall short...but, I can use each one of my stumbles as a lesson both for myself and for others.

So, whenever you look at the coin of your personality, whether it comes up heads or tails...realize that you are the coin itself, and not just one side of it.