"This is the reason that I Paul am a prisoner for Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles - for surely you have already heard of the commission of God's grace that was given me for you, and how the mystery was made know to me by revelation, as I wrote above in a few words, a reading of which will enable you to perceive my understanding of the mystery of Christ."
--Ephesians 3:1-4
Paul was "...circumcised on the eight day, a member of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew born of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the Law, blameless."
--Philippians 3:5-6
Paul, the apostle to the Gentiles, used to be a Pharisee. At first, we think "oh, he's finally understood that righteousness comes from faith, not the Law", and, yes, we'd be correct.
But.
The Pharisees hated the Gentiles. "Gentiles were created for the fires of hell", taught one teacher. Paul, zealous to the extreme, would have known this and practiced this. He would have condemned the Gentiles, never eating with them or being around them, so as to stay "clean" before the Law.
And, yet, God has chosen him, Paul, a Hebrew of Hebrews, a Pharisee before the Law, to preach to the Gentiles. God has taken the one least likely to do this naturally, and redeemed him. God has taken Paul's weakness and used it for His glory.
Isn't that the way of it? Isn't that the Way of Christ?
God taking our weakness, our failings, and using them for His glory. I struggle with paying attention...voila, instant ministry to many of the youth in my church. I struggle with feeling loved...and, voila, instant understanding of what many people are going through, and an aid in reaching them with the love of Christ. My parents are divorced...I understand the frustration, the anger, the agony of going through that and can reach out to all the people that come from broken and shattered families.
I hate that. I hate that God uses my weaknesses most. Why can't He just make me better, and THEN I can minister?
Because, its not about me. Its not about what I can do. Its not about how I can reach. Its not about how smart I am, how intelligent I sound, how good I look...any of it. Its not about me.
Its about God. Its about His glory.
We live in a broken world, tainted and marred by sin. And, so often, we close our eyes and pretend we are perfect. We cut others down ruthlessly to build ourselves back up (no one is more guilty of this than I). We point out all the imperfections in others, and then get defensive when someone mentions a possible misstep on our part.
Instead, Christ calls us to throw our broken selves before the throne of grace. Let us take Paul's example and let God change and use our inmost and deepest chasms of hate, let God redeem them with His grace and His love.
Once again, I feel like I have fallen far short in describing the indescribable. I wish I could convey the beauty of the grandeur of God's grace. However, it is not something that can be described; only something that can be experienced. Immerse yourself in the Word of God, and there meet the Living and Active Christ.
21 August 2008
17 March 2008
A thought
I think the hardest part of being a pastor is that at the time I am realizing how desperately I need other people, the fewer people around me actually know who I really am.
15 February 2008
Heads or Tails
How can I possibly sum up my time here so far?
The answer: I can't. So, I won't try. I will, however, let you into a few thoughts I've had as of late.
Personality. The one I am most familiar with, of course, is my own.
Now, before I go on, I realize that some of what I'm going to say might sound arrogant. Two things...one, there might be a bit of that involved, but I really do try and keep it minimal. Two, it is, after all, my blog, so...yeah. Boom.
I find that often people think that I have a personality that is enviable. Not everyone, and its quite possible I'm making more out of this than I should. But, for the sake of argument, go with me.
I think the problem with personalities is that we just look at the good or the bad, and not how they are related. We look too much at one aspect or another, and not how they are interconnected. We forget that strengths and weaknesses are not two different things, but just the same trait in different circumstances. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak.
People think I am confident, and yes, I am. But, the issue is that I am confident in 95% or so of life...but, the areas where I'm not, I'm at a complete loss. I am so used to be confident that when I am not, it makes the lack of confidence that much stronger. Not unlike being in a bright room and then going out into the dark. Not only can you not see, but it feels that much worse because seconds before you could see so clearly.
I am an extremely independent person. This has its advantages, to be sure, in the fact that I can and do make my own decisions quickly. I can do my own thing, and be perfectly fine if no one else comes along. But, that's not how life works. Americans like to think that's what life is, but its not. We are not just individuals, but more individual parts of a greater whole. Yes, my decisions should be made quickly, but they should not be made at the expense of the community. So, independence is good, but only when tempered with a genuine care for the community.
I often make decisions very quickly, often to the point of being rash. On the one hand, yes, that's good...people react well to a confident decisive leader. But, being decisive also tends to become its own master, developing a life of its own. Decisiveness often gives way to impatience, and the motivating factor just becomes not wanting to slow down. Speed begins the decision maker, as opposed to logic or common sense. Decisiveness, good. Impatience, bad.
I don't know how well I've done at demonstrating that these traits are two sides of the same coin. Decisiveness is what it is called in one situation, impatience in another. I think the issue comes in that we just see it as EITHER decisiveness OR impatience, and not the same thing. We like to make the issues black and white, good and bad. That's not how life works, though. Life is a cacophony of color, as even gray doesn't begin to encompass all that we would hope. People are not just one thing or another, but are somewhere on a spectrum.
So, instead of looking at how awful a person's tendencies are or even how wonderful they are, we need to realize that there is more to the story. Instead of focusing just on the downside of impatience, we should encourage the person to be decisive, but also to help temper that a bit. Instead of praising someone for their independence, we need to help them to temper it a bit with looking to the communal good above that of themselves.
And, look in our own lives. We are not just bad, or good. We are somewhere in the middle, and coming to terms with our own character traits is important. Realize that if you are often someone's doormat, that also means you are quite caring and compassionate. It just means you need to temper that compassion with a bit of steel in your spine, and realize that compassion is also imposing boundaries on people, not letting them just walk all over you. We need to learn to use our brokenness for the greater good, and not just look at our lives and mope. Yes, I fall short...but, I can use each one of my stumbles as a lesson both for myself and for others.
So, whenever you look at the coin of your personality, whether it comes up heads or tails...realize that you are the coin itself, and not just one side of it.
The answer: I can't. So, I won't try. I will, however, let you into a few thoughts I've had as of late.
Personality. The one I am most familiar with, of course, is my own.
Now, before I go on, I realize that some of what I'm going to say might sound arrogant. Two things...one, there might be a bit of that involved, but I really do try and keep it minimal. Two, it is, after all, my blog, so...yeah. Boom.
I find that often people think that I have a personality that is enviable. Not everyone, and its quite possible I'm making more out of this than I should. But, for the sake of argument, go with me.
I think the problem with personalities is that we just look at the good or the bad, and not how they are related. We look too much at one aspect or another, and not how they are interconnected. We forget that strengths and weaknesses are not two different things, but just the same trait in different circumstances. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak.
People think I am confident, and yes, I am. But, the issue is that I am confident in 95% or so of life...but, the areas where I'm not, I'm at a complete loss. I am so used to be confident that when I am not, it makes the lack of confidence that much stronger. Not unlike being in a bright room and then going out into the dark. Not only can you not see, but it feels that much worse because seconds before you could see so clearly.
I am an extremely independent person. This has its advantages, to be sure, in the fact that I can and do make my own decisions quickly. I can do my own thing, and be perfectly fine if no one else comes along. But, that's not how life works. Americans like to think that's what life is, but its not. We are not just individuals, but more individual parts of a greater whole. Yes, my decisions should be made quickly, but they should not be made at the expense of the community. So, independence is good, but only when tempered with a genuine care for the community.
I often make decisions very quickly, often to the point of being rash. On the one hand, yes, that's good...people react well to a confident decisive leader. But, being decisive also tends to become its own master, developing a life of its own. Decisiveness often gives way to impatience, and the motivating factor just becomes not wanting to slow down. Speed begins the decision maker, as opposed to logic or common sense. Decisiveness, good. Impatience, bad.
I don't know how well I've done at demonstrating that these traits are two sides of the same coin. Decisiveness is what it is called in one situation, impatience in another. I think the issue comes in that we just see it as EITHER decisiveness OR impatience, and not the same thing. We like to make the issues black and white, good and bad. That's not how life works, though. Life is a cacophony of color, as even gray doesn't begin to encompass all that we would hope. People are not just one thing or another, but are somewhere on a spectrum.
So, instead of looking at how awful a person's tendencies are or even how wonderful they are, we need to realize that there is more to the story. Instead of focusing just on the downside of impatience, we should encourage the person to be decisive, but also to help temper that a bit. Instead of praising someone for their independence, we need to help them to temper it a bit with looking to the communal good above that of themselves.
And, look in our own lives. We are not just bad, or good. We are somewhere in the middle, and coming to terms with our own character traits is important. Realize that if you are often someone's doormat, that also means you are quite caring and compassionate. It just means you need to temper that compassion with a bit of steel in your spine, and realize that compassion is also imposing boundaries on people, not letting them just walk all over you. We need to learn to use our brokenness for the greater good, and not just look at our lives and mope. Yes, I fall short...but, I can use each one of my stumbles as a lesson both for myself and for others.
So, whenever you look at the coin of your personality, whether it comes up heads or tails...realize that you are the coin itself, and not just one side of it.
19 January 2008
The best of Conferences, the worst of Conferences
I just got back from National Conference a few days ago. Ok, one day ago. Yesterday.
Anyway, it was amazing. On a couple of nights, the call to worship was done by a didjeridoo by the recently started ministry to Indigenous People (Aborigines), called Baparrdu (I may have completely butchered the spelling on that...). I cannot tell you how joyful it makes me when I see God worshipped in ways of different cultures. The gospel of grace through Christ is taken and made culturally relevant in ways that speak to the people of that culture...and when I see that, I am humbled and in awe of the majesty and glory of God.
It deeply saddens me when missionaries (past and present) take the gospel the way it is meaningful to them, and try and shove that down the throats of various indigenous people. God has been there long before then, why not look to see His footprints and follow them to find out where He's working? (Not my metaphor, but I stole it because it was Glen O'Brien is a genius for using it).
That kind of culturally arrogant attitude led to genocide and the reason people bristle at the term missionary. How did we stray so horrifically from the cool drink to a parched soul that is the gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ?
But, I saw the gospel shown in beautiful ways at Conference. The didjeridoo. The service led by our Christian brothers and sisters in the Solomon Islands. All the myriad Islander cultures seen and heard. Beautiful. Almost to the point of tears, which for me, is saying a lot.
And, then there were the white guys. Once again, a splendid lesson in missing the point.
The debate was over education. Do we streamline the requirements for ordination, in order to bring in more ministers? The correct answer, of course, being no...but, oddly enough, the correct answer wasn't seen as correct by everyone.
Now, I realize that I'm biased in that I'm an academic person, and so having study requirements does not adversely affect me. But, I still don't see why we're cutting those out. Just because I'm not good at something does not mean it should be omitted from the requirements. I'm not good at patience, but I would in no way advocate cutting that out of the requirements of a minister (as outlined by St. Paul, in Galatians 5:22).
What we are ultimately saying is that if you don't like education, that's ok...we'll make it all easier for you. We as a denomination are saying that if things are difficult, then they should change. Not that you need to learn to do things that are difficult, because heaven forbid we learn endurance and steadfastness, learn the ability to push through difficulties that we don't particularly enjoy to reach the shores of the place that we don't particularly deserve.
It scares me that the denomination is so quick to get people into the pulpits. Yes, we need pastors...but, we need Godly men and women in the pulpits, not just some random people that like attention so feel "the call" into ministry. Yeah, hang up...the call isn't for you.
But, the Kingdom is like that. We must wrestle with this fundamental and important questions, even when we don't all agree. It would be a lot easier, though, if everybody realize that I'm always right and just installed me as Dictator-for-Life of The Church. Like the Pope, but better.
And, in other news, I have internets at my house now. This is good.
Anyway, it was amazing. On a couple of nights, the call to worship was done by a didjeridoo by the recently started ministry to Indigenous People (Aborigines), called Baparrdu (I may have completely butchered the spelling on that...). I cannot tell you how joyful it makes me when I see God worshipped in ways of different cultures. The gospel of grace through Christ is taken and made culturally relevant in ways that speak to the people of that culture...and when I see that, I am humbled and in awe of the majesty and glory of God.
It deeply saddens me when missionaries (past and present) take the gospel the way it is meaningful to them, and try and shove that down the throats of various indigenous people. God has been there long before then, why not look to see His footprints and follow them to find out where He's working? (Not my metaphor, but I stole it because it was Glen O'Brien is a genius for using it).
That kind of culturally arrogant attitude led to genocide and the reason people bristle at the term missionary. How did we stray so horrifically from the cool drink to a parched soul that is the gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ?
But, I saw the gospel shown in beautiful ways at Conference. The didjeridoo. The service led by our Christian brothers and sisters in the Solomon Islands. All the myriad Islander cultures seen and heard. Beautiful. Almost to the point of tears, which for me, is saying a lot.
And, then there were the white guys. Once again, a splendid lesson in missing the point.
The debate was over education. Do we streamline the requirements for ordination, in order to bring in more ministers? The correct answer, of course, being no...but, oddly enough, the correct answer wasn't seen as correct by everyone.
Now, I realize that I'm biased in that I'm an academic person, and so having study requirements does not adversely affect me. But, I still don't see why we're cutting those out. Just because I'm not good at something does not mean it should be omitted from the requirements. I'm not good at patience, but I would in no way advocate cutting that out of the requirements of a minister (as outlined by St. Paul, in Galatians 5:22).
What we are ultimately saying is that if you don't like education, that's ok...we'll make it all easier for you. We as a denomination are saying that if things are difficult, then they should change. Not that you need to learn to do things that are difficult, because heaven forbid we learn endurance and steadfastness, learn the ability to push through difficulties that we don't particularly enjoy to reach the shores of the place that we don't particularly deserve.
It scares me that the denomination is so quick to get people into the pulpits. Yes, we need pastors...but, we need Godly men and women in the pulpits, not just some random people that like attention so feel "the call" into ministry. Yeah, hang up...the call isn't for you.
But, the Kingdom is like that. We must wrestle with this fundamental and important questions, even when we don't all agree. It would be a lot easier, though, if everybody realize that I'm always right and just installed me as Dictator-for-Life of The Church. Like the Pope, but better.
And, in other news, I have internets at my house now. This is good.
04 January 2008
The Friendship of Loneliness
Where to start, where to start...
In many ways, I have often felt lonely (you just have to look back at previous posts to see what I'm referring to). I rarely "fit in", and on the odd chance that I do, my weird personality forces me to find ways to make it so I don't. So, loneliness is a feeling I am used to. Its my one constant companion, you could say.
However, life is different now.
Now, I am alone. Not in the sense of me having not as many friends I can hang out with, but more that I have no friends I can hang out with. My closest friends are 2 hours away (assuming there's no traffic). Yes, there are people at the church I like, and most of them I enjoy talking to...but, they will always be members of my congregation. I will always be The Pastor. That will not change.
I am discovering the difficulty of truly being on your own.
When I lived at home, and had a bad day, I found a friend and talked. I ministered to them, and was ministered to in return. Here, when I have a bad day, I am on my own. I am stuck "in my head" so to speak, and worries start spawning like there's no tomorrow.
It is a matter of having to always be "at the top of the my game". There is no room for error. This is a result of being in ministry, I think, and being alone. I must make sure that I exercise, have my quiet time, as well as a bit of creative time every day, or else I quickly spiral out of control. Like, in the matter of two or three days, I quickly become almost too stressed to operate.
I have found my limitations. This is difficult, because I not only have to admit that I have them, but also admit that they are much closer than I had hoped. Irritating, to say the least.
Anyway, I will probably keep going forever unless I cut myself off, so that is what I will do now. I covet your prayers, and any and all visitors are more than welcome.
Word.
PS- I think I also covet Reese's Pieces. Not the cups, mind you, but the pieces. So, pray for me, and send me candy.
In many ways, I have often felt lonely (you just have to look back at previous posts to see what I'm referring to). I rarely "fit in", and on the odd chance that I do, my weird personality forces me to find ways to make it so I don't. So, loneliness is a feeling I am used to. Its my one constant companion, you could say.
However, life is different now.
Now, I am alone. Not in the sense of me having not as many friends I can hang out with, but more that I have no friends I can hang out with. My closest friends are 2 hours away (assuming there's no traffic). Yes, there are people at the church I like, and most of them I enjoy talking to...but, they will always be members of my congregation. I will always be The Pastor. That will not change.
I am discovering the difficulty of truly being on your own.
When I lived at home, and had a bad day, I found a friend and talked. I ministered to them, and was ministered to in return. Here, when I have a bad day, I am on my own. I am stuck "in my head" so to speak, and worries start spawning like there's no tomorrow.
It is a matter of having to always be "at the top of the my game". There is no room for error. This is a result of being in ministry, I think, and being alone. I must make sure that I exercise, have my quiet time, as well as a bit of creative time every day, or else I quickly spiral out of control. Like, in the matter of two or three days, I quickly become almost too stressed to operate.
I have found my limitations. This is difficult, because I not only have to admit that I have them, but also admit that they are much closer than I had hoped. Irritating, to say the least.
Anyway, I will probably keep going forever unless I cut myself off, so that is what I will do now. I covet your prayers, and any and all visitors are more than welcome.
Word.
PS- I think I also covet Reese's Pieces. Not the cups, mind you, but the pieces. So, pray for me, and send me candy.
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