Where to start, where to start...
In many ways, I have often felt lonely (you just have to look back at previous posts to see what I'm referring to). I rarely "fit in", and on the odd chance that I do, my weird personality forces me to find ways to make it so I don't. So, loneliness is a feeling I am used to. Its my one constant companion, you could say.
However, life is different now.
Now, I am alone. Not in the sense of me having not as many friends I can hang out with, but more that I have no friends I can hang out with. My closest friends are 2 hours away (assuming there's no traffic). Yes, there are people at the church I like, and most of them I enjoy talking to...but, they will always be members of my congregation. I will always be The Pastor. That will not change.
I am discovering the difficulty of truly being on your own.
When I lived at home, and had a bad day, I found a friend and talked. I ministered to them, and was ministered to in return. Here, when I have a bad day, I am on my own. I am stuck "in my head" so to speak, and worries start spawning like there's no tomorrow.
It is a matter of having to always be "at the top of the my game". There is no room for error. This is a result of being in ministry, I think, and being alone. I must make sure that I exercise, have my quiet time, as well as a bit of creative time every day, or else I quickly spiral out of control. Like, in the matter of two or three days, I quickly become almost too stressed to operate.
I have found my limitations. This is difficult, because I not only have to admit that I have them, but also admit that they are much closer than I had hoped. Irritating, to say the least.
Anyway, I will probably keep going forever unless I cut myself off, so that is what I will do now. I covet your prayers, and any and all visitors are more than welcome.
Word.
PS- I think I also covet Reese's Pieces. Not the cups, mind you, but the pieces. So, pray for me, and send me candy.
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2 comments:
I understand more then I'd like to admit.
1. I will check to see if your address is on Facebook.
2. See if there's a church nearby that has a service on a day you don't have much work/any work. That helped us. It also got us connected to the Anglican Church, which we're now sort-of a part of.
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