Family

So, here I am. In the Asheville, NC airport, waiting for my plan to arrive, load, and leave, hopefully in that order. Originally, my flight left roughly an hour ago, but I took a bump for a $200 voucher, to sit here for the next half an hour or so.

I've been traveling to visit family for the last week and a half, and am now going up to Minneapolis to visit my father for the next week. Its been really good to visit all my family members, because I feel like through our stories and talks, I've been able to reacquaint myself with my grandparents, both long dead. Its also made me fairly sad, because I know that they both loved me very, very deeply (something I'm only just beginning to touch the depths of), and, my grandmother especially, would have loved to have hosted me and my friends for visits.

I am on the tail-end of staying with my great-aunt Margie. I'll admit to being a little dubious about what she and I would have a chance to do and have in common, but the trip was a real joy. She and my grandmother were two of four sisters, all of whom played backgammon competitively. I have the rare (and perhaps singular) honor of being able to say that I beat all four of the Steves sisters at the game, something I reinforced by beating Auntie Marge in a grand total of five games to her two.

In doing so, though, Aunt Marge pointed out a couple of ways that I was like my own grandmother. Grammie was ultra-competitive (in a fun sort of way), and whenever she would be beaten, she would tease the victor by saying "oh, it was just an accident". I found myself doing the same thing, and was overjoyed to have Margie throwing it right back at me. (Me: You're cheating! Aunt Marge: I just watched what you did, and did that!).

After numerous discussions with my family, though, I found something interesting. In a culture that suffers both from the deterioration of the family unit, its not surprising we also ask what we think is a fundamental identity question, Who am I? But, is that question fundamental?

From what I've seen, this questions often stems from people who did not come from a strong family background. I didn't. I ask who I am. There's no rock on which to anchor, no overarching story to tie into and establish an identity through that. My faith plays a large part in that area for me now, but I don't think my faith alone can do that.

God has chosen to work through the family unit, and this is one way He has done so. By seeing our own selves in those of our parents, our similarities, our differences, we can understand who we really are. By refusing to use that as a cue for what makes us 'us', we may never really understand our deepest selves. Yes, there are many (!!) aspects of my parents I don't want to exhibit, but I do anyway. Denying I'm like them won't change the facts, it will just blind my perception in dangerous ways.

In a culture where the individuals so desperately want to know their identities, ignoring a potential source of that information is not only foolhardy, but can be dangerous if we don't realize the snares that entangle our parents might entangle us as well.

Well, my plane's here. Word.

Dark Holiness II (ish)

First off, let me say 'thank you' to all the people that commented on my last post. I do appreciate all that you've said, and helped me to think about. As such, I wanted to do a follow-up, so to speak.

Both Shane and Dan brought up good points about are ethics really the point, or is it rather more about love. I especially like Dan's bit about perhaps God was applauding the actor and not the action (not least because he used the word 'spunk'). I think maybe that is the key point in the whole thing...while God does desire for us to be made daily in His image, He loves us unconditionally. God loved Tamar, and the fire in her spirit that made her stand-up to the false righteousness in Judah. Keep in mind that Tamar was also not a Hebrew, nor really a worshipper of Yahweh, both facts that add in all kinds of fun complications.

Maybe that is the reason Genesis 38 is thrown in there, a reason we can only truly understand seen through the lens of Jesus. The idea that God loves us, no matter what we've done. Period. Full stop. End of story.

Ethics and 'holiness' are worthwhile and good as guidelines, but they are only just that...guidelines. When the fecal matter hits the air extruder, ethics and holiness are only so valuable. And, maybe, just maybe, that's the point.

I also really liked Jeremy's definition of holiness as the "natural development that stems from an intimate relationship and a deep desire to please the lover of our soul". I think when we think of holiness as just a list of things of what Christians do or don't do, we can really miss the point. Its not just about actions, although those play a significant part. Its about internal transformation, a point that far too many of American Christians miss. Coming up with more rules won't make people holier, rather they'll just end up becoming more legalistic. This is not to say we should throw out all rules, but has regulating everything every really worked?

Perhaps I'm showing my hand a bit too much, but the only exception I take to that definition of holiness is the 'natural' part. On the one hand, I fully agree...if you spend a long time with someone, you naturally become like them, and Jesus is no exception. But, at the same time, the pursuit of holiness often seems like its anything but natural. I fight an uphill battle against myself every day, and I always seem to be losing (how's that for a conundrum?). I so desperately want to be like Him, but at the same time, I'm just as desperately afraid to take the steps of faith.

I wish I had a good ending for this post, that would wrap everything up in a nice, neat little package, all answers included with interest. But, no. That does seem to follow the pattern of the entry, though, saying that we can't answer everything fully, but we just need to go out and meet each day. Holiness is not a list we can check off, but a lifestyle of love. We can't let the expectations of others and our desire for approval shape our lives, but rather the unconditional, infinite love of our Lord and Redeemer guide our steps, one at a time.

Your thoughts?

Dark Holiness

I find myself in a bit of a tailspin after reading Scripture (which is exactly what Scripture should do to our lives, shake them up a bit and force us to rethink everything).

I come from the Methodist branch of holiness teaching, which means that to be holy means that you don't drink, smoke or chew, nor hang around with those who do. Holiness sometimes comes down to a list of things you don't do...but, the Wesleyan Methodists in Australia have started to define it by a heart condition (more akin to what Wesley himself, and even some crazy Nazarene preacher did). But, holiness is a matter of following the dictates of Scripture by being a person of integrity (not lying, cheating, stealing, etc etc) as well as loving God and people with your whole being.

But, then I read Genesis 38, the story of Judah and Tamar.

Now, I've read this before, but for some reason, this time I really began to think about it...why is Tamar commended for being a prostitute, lying, and being a cheat? And, don't kid yourself, she is absolutely commended (if just by being mentioned in all the genealogies and whatnot).

Now, if this was an isolated case, that would be one thing. But, this same craftiness is commended in the Hebrew midwives in Exodus 1:15-22. As well as the life of Jacob (almost the whole darn thing...he is chosen as the namesake for the Jews entire). And in Christ's parable of the Dishonest (or Shrewd) Manager.

What are we supposed to draw from this? How are we supposed to define holiness?

I am reminded of a character from the television show, Boston Legal. Alan Shore is a good lawyer, but making ethical decisions is not his forte. However, he does do what is right. In one particular case, he encouraged someone to impersonate a psychiatrist to ascertain if another psychiatrist's patient was homicidal. When queried about if that was ethical, Shore replied "Oh. I'm sorry. If ethics is what you're worried about, then just write a letter as a lawyer stating it is not something ot be worried about, that the client isn't dangerous. You'll both be covered. I didn't realize ethics was the issue...I thought human life was at stake. My apologies."

Is that the attitude that we're supposed to have? Do what is right, even if it means lying or cheating? Doesn't that stray into the awful realm of the ends justifying the means?

Or, are we as Christians called to that kind of discerning and hard style of Christianity, weighing each and every issue individually, but not having the 'hard and fast' rules that we as people love so much?

I wish I had the answer. This is a difficult question, and I really want to hear people's opinions about this. Please let me know your thoughts, and this has very high potential as an issue we'll see again in my blog.

Word.

Disciplines

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile, but since I'm currently dying of Ebola, I decided I might as well write it in case I don't last too much longer.

I've been doing a fair amount of thinking about the idea of training yourself, especially in spiritual matters. I've taken a class in spiritual formation, and read numerous books about the subject, so it is at least a topic I am familiar with. I've also done some reading about Sparta and their military culture, and I am intrigued by the overlap.

Now, a lot of you are probably thinking "oh, he just saw 300, and this is going to be a post about how we should all be Spartans for Jesus" or something along those lines. No. Well, kind of, but mostly no.

I was monumentally disappointed by 300. Yeah, it was a good action movie, but its been a long time since that was the only necessity for me to like a movie. The thing that made the Spartans so amazing as a military force was their amazing discipline, and the sheer rigor of their training...not their ability to go into battle bare-chested (they didn't) or how to stand back-to-back defending a brother (they would stay in formation, always...something they alluded to in the movie, but then forgot about).

But, the concept of taking one's entire life and rigorously subjecting yourself to hardship after hardship to build up endurance...that is amazing. That was the mainstay of Spartan culture, the concept of having an amazingly tough training program so that when war came around, everyone was more than prepared for the hardships that entailed.

Does that describe us as Christians? Sadly, all too often, it does not. We have our jobs and our friends and our hobbies, and those tend to dominate our priorities. The concept of sacrificing one of those in order to spend time with God is unthinkable. Why should I turn off my XBox if God already loves me?

The parables in Matthew 13:44-50 seem to really portray this well. The theme that is present throughout is the idea of being willing to sell everything you have, in order to obtain that one, precious commodity. Are we willing to do that, as Christians?

I wish I could say that I was. Last week I tried to train myself to be disciplined, and it worked...to a degree. I ran four out of five days, and the day off was planned (I promise). I did a decent amount of work on my sermon for last night...but, somehow, in the midst of that, I still spent most of my time watching TV and wasting time on the internet.

I'm beginning to realize that we cannot accomplish this easily...nor should we be able to. If it was easy, we wouldn't have to make it our one, all-consuming passion. God does not want us to muck around, but to put Him at the center. I wish I could speak to this from experience of success, but its more from a place of black eyes, broken noses, and bleeding lips. But, speak to it I can, in a way, and I shall...and I invite all of you to keep me accountable and join me on the trek.

An Easter thought (early)

So, I was in church today (a good place for me as a pastor hopeful to be on a Sunday morning), and thinking (always a good activity, especially in church). My brain did the whole from one thing to another to another to another, until I was about fifteen points away from my original thought. But, here's what I ended up with.

Often, when confronted with a situation such as rape or murder or any form of awfulness perpetuated on one person by another, we recoil. We say that is horrific and sick and should never have happened.

Now, I'm not saying it isn't horrific and sick, but perhaps we are looking at it from the wrong perspective. In a perfect world, I would agree that events like this shouldn't happen, and maybe its just easy for me to say having never had to wrestle/cope with something that huge. But, we don't live in a perfect world, and these kinds of things do happen.

Maybe, just maybe, that's the point.

Every time something evil happens, instead of taking the perspective of horror and just staring at the malevolence of humanity, but instead look at it as a chance for reconciliation. See it as an opportunity to demonstrate the far-reaching and life-changing love of God to our fellow people. A time when we can redeem something that is only evil, and open up the arms of love to someone aching.

Perhaps this is what is meant by rejoicing in our suffering, as mentioned in the Scriptures. Instead of focusing on the horror and evil, choose to see the good. The chance for a prodigal to come home. Yes, what happened is evil, but that does not have to be the end. Perhaps we are called to not let evil have the final word, but let love always shine last, and shine best.

As a Christian, the Easter celebration is here in about a week. Maybe that's the whole point (or, at least, one of many of them) captured in this celebration of Jesus' resurrection. God has the final say. God is love. Even that which is tainted with darkness can still be consumed in the ever-loving light that is Christ, the light that cannot be quenched no matter the depth of the night. The light will shine on, and we, as the smaller lights of the world, should continue to demonstrate to the best of our best abilities that love.

Maybe this is too airy-fairy for some, and maybe I'm too much of an idealist. But, regardless of that, I think perhaps this is the point...love everyone, that through our love God will be made known.

Life, as it is here and now

Well, I am here. Maitland, New South Wales, Australia. Geographically speaking, I'm a crazy long way from home. But, at the same time, I think I am home.

For those of you who don't have facebook or don't check my profile obsessively (probably better for your mental health), the Local Board of Administration of Maitland Wesleyan Methodist Church, in a meeting on March 6th 2007, voted unanimously to recommend to the Local Church Conference (to be held on March 20th) that a call be extended to one Jesse H. Ryals, a recent graduate from Houghton College in Western New York.

Me.

Those of you privy to my internal turmoil (which is everyone who is reading this) have been aware of the struggles with loneliness and things like that. I have also been wondering and praying about whether this is the right step for me to take.

I just signed a letter to the Maitland LBA informing them that I have accepted the terms they offered. For those of you unaware of the process in a Wesleyan church, the members of the church will now vote at the LCC as to whether they agree with the Board's decision. Please, please, please please please keep this process in your prayers. I absolutely feel that it is God's will for me to fully pursue this opportunity...but I have been known to make mistakes before.

However, I have also been spending significant amounts of time in prayer and contemplation, and I feel that in the not too distant future (as in, the shortest period of time possible) I will be calling Maitland home.

I cannot express the gratitude I feel for all of you who are remembering me in your prayers, as I don't even think I can know how much I truly know the massive debt I owe you. So, thanks.

I am beginning to compile a list of "must visits"...I'm pretty sure anyone reading this is on that list, but drop me an email or a comment to make sure, as well as if there is any particular time period that would work best. My time will be crunched, so any and all visits to Kansas are much appreciated, as I can then pack and visit. Anyway, I love you all, and am really excited about this opportunity.

I also won't have reliable email access until March 28th (in the US), so bear with me if I'm not prompt in replying.

Wherever I end up, there will always be a spare bedroom in my house for friends to come and stay. Please avail yourself of this soon, and repeat frequently.

Loneliness, Pt. II

I was surprised and encouraged by many of the comments from my last post...so, I might be lonely, but at least I'm not alone.

One thing that Danny mentioned that was extremely important was that many of the people from Christian history have led lonely lives, and yet wouldn't trade a second of it for company. Ben also asked the question if it is the nature of holiness to lead a life of loneliness, or if it is just our generation. I think it is both.

I think in our earnest pursuit of Christ, we as ardent Christians will quickly outrun the people who do not care as much. I say this not to puff up all of our egos as 'super-Christians', but I don't think that's what will happen. I say this simply to analyze and diagnose the situation.

If you are running a race, and soon find that everyone else is walking, that is no reason to stop running. You are running for the prize and the goal, and stopping for company is no excuse for not doing your best. Its a hard truth, but a truth nonetheless.

I also find comfort in a few things I learned from my study of Celtic Christianity during my stint in Scotland. One of them is the concept of Jesus being with us all the time, whether we know it or not (see Luke 24:13-35, the Road to Emmaus, for a Biblical account of this). Jesus is by our side all the time, but we as Western Christians forget that all too often. The Celts understood Jesus to be with them always, which greatly affected not only their theology and understanding of missions, but their understanding of community and friendship.

One woman in an outlying region of Scotland was met by an author once, and she had a picture of Jesus up on her mantle. When asked about it, she pointed to the picture, saying "oh, I'm not talking to him right now...I asked him for something and he refused to give it to me, so I'm letting him cool his heels for awhile." May we all have that conversational and familiar relationship with our Savior.

Another aspect is that of community and missions. For the Celts, monasteries were not something to enter for life, but rather part of the tapestry of life. There was a cycle, involving solitude with God, community with fellow Christians, and mission work to the unreached. The monks may (or may not) have vows of celibacy, but they would wander great distances, preaching and spreading the gospel of love, often alone, sometimes in small groups. After several months (or longer, depending on the monk), they would then go to an area of complete solitude for another couple of months. This solitude would enable them to spend time in prayer and meditation, focusing once again on God. After a time in solitude, they would go to the monastic community and spend time there, being refreshed and energized by friends and loved ones.

Our Western culture is highly mobile, with us only spending a few years in one place. By moving so constantly, we cannot sink our roots deeply into an area or into a specific community. Either we move on before that happens, or the others around us do. I think perhaps our testament as Christians could be to stay for extended periods of time in one place, as an example of dedication to community.

All of this are just ideas and thoughts on community, loneliness, and ministry (not necessarily laid out in a particularly well organized form, either). I encourage dialogue on the subject, as well as thought and prayer. I am also not adverse to all of you moving down to Australia with me, so we can form our own community here. Anyway...yeah. More to come on this in future posts, I suspect.