17 March 2008
A thought
I think the hardest part of being a pastor is that at the time I am realizing how desperately I need other people, the fewer people around me actually know who I really am.
15 February 2008
Heads or Tails
How can I possibly sum up my time here so far?
The answer: I can't. So, I won't try. I will, however, let you into a few thoughts I've had as of late.
Personality. The one I am most familiar with, of course, is my own.
Now, before I go on, I realize that some of what I'm going to say might sound arrogant. Two things...one, there might be a bit of that involved, but I really do try and keep it minimal. Two, it is, after all, my blog, so...yeah. Boom.
I find that often people think that I have a personality that is enviable. Not everyone, and its quite possible I'm making more out of this than I should. But, for the sake of argument, go with me.
I think the problem with personalities is that we just look at the good or the bad, and not how they are related. We look too much at one aspect or another, and not how they are interconnected. We forget that strengths and weaknesses are not two different things, but just the same trait in different circumstances. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak.
People think I am confident, and yes, I am. But, the issue is that I am confident in 95% or so of life...but, the areas where I'm not, I'm at a complete loss. I am so used to be confident that when I am not, it makes the lack of confidence that much stronger. Not unlike being in a bright room and then going out into the dark. Not only can you not see, but it feels that much worse because seconds before you could see so clearly.
I am an extremely independent person. This has its advantages, to be sure, in the fact that I can and do make my own decisions quickly. I can do my own thing, and be perfectly fine if no one else comes along. But, that's not how life works. Americans like to think that's what life is, but its not. We are not just individuals, but more individual parts of a greater whole. Yes, my decisions should be made quickly, but they should not be made at the expense of the community. So, independence is good, but only when tempered with a genuine care for the community.
I often make decisions very quickly, often to the point of being rash. On the one hand, yes, that's good...people react well to a confident decisive leader. But, being decisive also tends to become its own master, developing a life of its own. Decisiveness often gives way to impatience, and the motivating factor just becomes not wanting to slow down. Speed begins the decision maker, as opposed to logic or common sense. Decisiveness, good. Impatience, bad.
I don't know how well I've done at demonstrating that these traits are two sides of the same coin. Decisiveness is what it is called in one situation, impatience in another. I think the issue comes in that we just see it as EITHER decisiveness OR impatience, and not the same thing. We like to make the issues black and white, good and bad. That's not how life works, though. Life is a cacophony of color, as even gray doesn't begin to encompass all that we would hope. People are not just one thing or another, but are somewhere on a spectrum.
So, instead of looking at how awful a person's tendencies are or even how wonderful they are, we need to realize that there is more to the story. Instead of focusing just on the downside of impatience, we should encourage the person to be decisive, but also to help temper that a bit. Instead of praising someone for their independence, we need to help them to temper it a bit with looking to the communal good above that of themselves.
And, look in our own lives. We are not just bad, or good. We are somewhere in the middle, and coming to terms with our own character traits is important. Realize that if you are often someone's doormat, that also means you are quite caring and compassionate. It just means you need to temper that compassion with a bit of steel in your spine, and realize that compassion is also imposing boundaries on people, not letting them just walk all over you. We need to learn to use our brokenness for the greater good, and not just look at our lives and mope. Yes, I fall short...but, I can use each one of my stumbles as a lesson both for myself and for others.
So, whenever you look at the coin of your personality, whether it comes up heads or tails...realize that you are the coin itself, and not just one side of it.
The answer: I can't. So, I won't try. I will, however, let you into a few thoughts I've had as of late.
Personality. The one I am most familiar with, of course, is my own.
Now, before I go on, I realize that some of what I'm going to say might sound arrogant. Two things...one, there might be a bit of that involved, but I really do try and keep it minimal. Two, it is, after all, my blog, so...yeah. Boom.
I find that often people think that I have a personality that is enviable. Not everyone, and its quite possible I'm making more out of this than I should. But, for the sake of argument, go with me.
I think the problem with personalities is that we just look at the good or the bad, and not how they are related. We look too much at one aspect or another, and not how they are interconnected. We forget that strengths and weaknesses are not two different things, but just the same trait in different circumstances. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak.
People think I am confident, and yes, I am. But, the issue is that I am confident in 95% or so of life...but, the areas where I'm not, I'm at a complete loss. I am so used to be confident that when I am not, it makes the lack of confidence that much stronger. Not unlike being in a bright room and then going out into the dark. Not only can you not see, but it feels that much worse because seconds before you could see so clearly.
I am an extremely independent person. This has its advantages, to be sure, in the fact that I can and do make my own decisions quickly. I can do my own thing, and be perfectly fine if no one else comes along. But, that's not how life works. Americans like to think that's what life is, but its not. We are not just individuals, but more individual parts of a greater whole. Yes, my decisions should be made quickly, but they should not be made at the expense of the community. So, independence is good, but only when tempered with a genuine care for the community.
I often make decisions very quickly, often to the point of being rash. On the one hand, yes, that's good...people react well to a confident decisive leader. But, being decisive also tends to become its own master, developing a life of its own. Decisiveness often gives way to impatience, and the motivating factor just becomes not wanting to slow down. Speed begins the decision maker, as opposed to logic or common sense. Decisiveness, good. Impatience, bad.
I don't know how well I've done at demonstrating that these traits are two sides of the same coin. Decisiveness is what it is called in one situation, impatience in another. I think the issue comes in that we just see it as EITHER decisiveness OR impatience, and not the same thing. We like to make the issues black and white, good and bad. That's not how life works, though. Life is a cacophony of color, as even gray doesn't begin to encompass all that we would hope. People are not just one thing or another, but are somewhere on a spectrum.
So, instead of looking at how awful a person's tendencies are or even how wonderful they are, we need to realize that there is more to the story. Instead of focusing just on the downside of impatience, we should encourage the person to be decisive, but also to help temper that a bit. Instead of praising someone for their independence, we need to help them to temper it a bit with looking to the communal good above that of themselves.
And, look in our own lives. We are not just bad, or good. We are somewhere in the middle, and coming to terms with our own character traits is important. Realize that if you are often someone's doormat, that also means you are quite caring and compassionate. It just means you need to temper that compassion with a bit of steel in your spine, and realize that compassion is also imposing boundaries on people, not letting them just walk all over you. We need to learn to use our brokenness for the greater good, and not just look at our lives and mope. Yes, I fall short...but, I can use each one of my stumbles as a lesson both for myself and for others.
So, whenever you look at the coin of your personality, whether it comes up heads or tails...realize that you are the coin itself, and not just one side of it.
19 January 2008
The best of Conferences, the worst of Conferences
I just got back from National Conference a few days ago. Ok, one day ago. Yesterday.
Anyway, it was amazing. On a couple of nights, the call to worship was done by a didjeridoo by the recently started ministry to Indigenous People (Aborigines), called Baparrdu (I may have completely butchered the spelling on that...). I cannot tell you how joyful it makes me when I see God worshipped in ways of different cultures. The gospel of grace through Christ is taken and made culturally relevant in ways that speak to the people of that culture...and when I see that, I am humbled and in awe of the majesty and glory of God.
It deeply saddens me when missionaries (past and present) take the gospel the way it is meaningful to them, and try and shove that down the throats of various indigenous people. God has been there long before then, why not look to see His footprints and follow them to find out where He's working? (Not my metaphor, but I stole it because it was Glen O'Brien is a genius for using it).
That kind of culturally arrogant attitude led to genocide and the reason people bristle at the term missionary. How did we stray so horrifically from the cool drink to a parched soul that is the gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ?
But, I saw the gospel shown in beautiful ways at Conference. The didjeridoo. The service led by our Christian brothers and sisters in the Solomon Islands. All the myriad Islander cultures seen and heard. Beautiful. Almost to the point of tears, which for me, is saying a lot.
And, then there were the white guys. Once again, a splendid lesson in missing the point.
The debate was over education. Do we streamline the requirements for ordination, in order to bring in more ministers? The correct answer, of course, being no...but, oddly enough, the correct answer wasn't seen as correct by everyone.
Now, I realize that I'm biased in that I'm an academic person, and so having study requirements does not adversely affect me. But, I still don't see why we're cutting those out. Just because I'm not good at something does not mean it should be omitted from the requirements. I'm not good at patience, but I would in no way advocate cutting that out of the requirements of a minister (as outlined by St. Paul, in Galatians 5:22).
What we are ultimately saying is that if you don't like education, that's ok...we'll make it all easier for you. We as a denomination are saying that if things are difficult, then they should change. Not that you need to learn to do things that are difficult, because heaven forbid we learn endurance and steadfastness, learn the ability to push through difficulties that we don't particularly enjoy to reach the shores of the place that we don't particularly deserve.
It scares me that the denomination is so quick to get people into the pulpits. Yes, we need pastors...but, we need Godly men and women in the pulpits, not just some random people that like attention so feel "the call" into ministry. Yeah, hang up...the call isn't for you.
But, the Kingdom is like that. We must wrestle with this fundamental and important questions, even when we don't all agree. It would be a lot easier, though, if everybody realize that I'm always right and just installed me as Dictator-for-Life of The Church. Like the Pope, but better.
And, in other news, I have internets at my house now. This is good.
Anyway, it was amazing. On a couple of nights, the call to worship was done by a didjeridoo by the recently started ministry to Indigenous People (Aborigines), called Baparrdu (I may have completely butchered the spelling on that...). I cannot tell you how joyful it makes me when I see God worshipped in ways of different cultures. The gospel of grace through Christ is taken and made culturally relevant in ways that speak to the people of that culture...and when I see that, I am humbled and in awe of the majesty and glory of God.
It deeply saddens me when missionaries (past and present) take the gospel the way it is meaningful to them, and try and shove that down the throats of various indigenous people. God has been there long before then, why not look to see His footprints and follow them to find out where He's working? (Not my metaphor, but I stole it because it was Glen O'Brien is a genius for using it).
That kind of culturally arrogant attitude led to genocide and the reason people bristle at the term missionary. How did we stray so horrifically from the cool drink to a parched soul that is the gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ?
But, I saw the gospel shown in beautiful ways at Conference. The didjeridoo. The service led by our Christian brothers and sisters in the Solomon Islands. All the myriad Islander cultures seen and heard. Beautiful. Almost to the point of tears, which for me, is saying a lot.
And, then there were the white guys. Once again, a splendid lesson in missing the point.
The debate was over education. Do we streamline the requirements for ordination, in order to bring in more ministers? The correct answer, of course, being no...but, oddly enough, the correct answer wasn't seen as correct by everyone.
Now, I realize that I'm biased in that I'm an academic person, and so having study requirements does not adversely affect me. But, I still don't see why we're cutting those out. Just because I'm not good at something does not mean it should be omitted from the requirements. I'm not good at patience, but I would in no way advocate cutting that out of the requirements of a minister (as outlined by St. Paul, in Galatians 5:22).
What we are ultimately saying is that if you don't like education, that's ok...we'll make it all easier for you. We as a denomination are saying that if things are difficult, then they should change. Not that you need to learn to do things that are difficult, because heaven forbid we learn endurance and steadfastness, learn the ability to push through difficulties that we don't particularly enjoy to reach the shores of the place that we don't particularly deserve.
It scares me that the denomination is so quick to get people into the pulpits. Yes, we need pastors...but, we need Godly men and women in the pulpits, not just some random people that like attention so feel "the call" into ministry. Yeah, hang up...the call isn't for you.
But, the Kingdom is like that. We must wrestle with this fundamental and important questions, even when we don't all agree. It would be a lot easier, though, if everybody realize that I'm always right and just installed me as Dictator-for-Life of The Church. Like the Pope, but better.
And, in other news, I have internets at my house now. This is good.
04 January 2008
The Friendship of Loneliness
Where to start, where to start...
In many ways, I have often felt lonely (you just have to look back at previous posts to see what I'm referring to). I rarely "fit in", and on the odd chance that I do, my weird personality forces me to find ways to make it so I don't. So, loneliness is a feeling I am used to. Its my one constant companion, you could say.
However, life is different now.
Now, I am alone. Not in the sense of me having not as many friends I can hang out with, but more that I have no friends I can hang out with. My closest friends are 2 hours away (assuming there's no traffic). Yes, there are people at the church I like, and most of them I enjoy talking to...but, they will always be members of my congregation. I will always be The Pastor. That will not change.
I am discovering the difficulty of truly being on your own.
When I lived at home, and had a bad day, I found a friend and talked. I ministered to them, and was ministered to in return. Here, when I have a bad day, I am on my own. I am stuck "in my head" so to speak, and worries start spawning like there's no tomorrow.
It is a matter of having to always be "at the top of the my game". There is no room for error. This is a result of being in ministry, I think, and being alone. I must make sure that I exercise, have my quiet time, as well as a bit of creative time every day, or else I quickly spiral out of control. Like, in the matter of two or three days, I quickly become almost too stressed to operate.
I have found my limitations. This is difficult, because I not only have to admit that I have them, but also admit that they are much closer than I had hoped. Irritating, to say the least.
Anyway, I will probably keep going forever unless I cut myself off, so that is what I will do now. I covet your prayers, and any and all visitors are more than welcome.
Word.
PS- I think I also covet Reese's Pieces. Not the cups, mind you, but the pieces. So, pray for me, and send me candy.
In many ways, I have often felt lonely (you just have to look back at previous posts to see what I'm referring to). I rarely "fit in", and on the odd chance that I do, my weird personality forces me to find ways to make it so I don't. So, loneliness is a feeling I am used to. Its my one constant companion, you could say.
However, life is different now.
Now, I am alone. Not in the sense of me having not as many friends I can hang out with, but more that I have no friends I can hang out with. My closest friends are 2 hours away (assuming there's no traffic). Yes, there are people at the church I like, and most of them I enjoy talking to...but, they will always be members of my congregation. I will always be The Pastor. That will not change.
I am discovering the difficulty of truly being on your own.
When I lived at home, and had a bad day, I found a friend and talked. I ministered to them, and was ministered to in return. Here, when I have a bad day, I am on my own. I am stuck "in my head" so to speak, and worries start spawning like there's no tomorrow.
It is a matter of having to always be "at the top of the my game". There is no room for error. This is a result of being in ministry, I think, and being alone. I must make sure that I exercise, have my quiet time, as well as a bit of creative time every day, or else I quickly spiral out of control. Like, in the matter of two or three days, I quickly become almost too stressed to operate.
I have found my limitations. This is difficult, because I not only have to admit that I have them, but also admit that they are much closer than I had hoped. Irritating, to say the least.
Anyway, I will probably keep going forever unless I cut myself off, so that is what I will do now. I covet your prayers, and any and all visitors are more than welcome.
Word.
PS- I think I also covet Reese's Pieces. Not the cups, mind you, but the pieces. So, pray for me, and send me candy.
29 November 2007
Weekend
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is an essay on what a good weekend is all about.
03 November 2007
Grace
So, I daily find myself broken by the concept of grace. I've never really been one of those "woe is me a sinner" kind of people. Its not that I don't think I'm a sinner, but I don't understand why people dwell on their own sin so much...repent, and move on. I realize its not as easy as that sometimes, but I'd rather focus on Christ and on grace, rather than on me and my sin.
But, I digress from grace (don't we all?).
Grace. What a simple, foundational concept to our Christian faith. Words cannot describe this, and yet we always try. I think the best visions of grace are not in sermons, no matter how eloquent. They are in the eyes of a child, immediately after being disciplined, yet the child clearly wants nothing more than a hug to realize they're still loved. Grace is seen in an overworked parent taking the five minutes to play an undignified game of tag with a four year old. A child's laugh. A crisp, clear sunset.
Grace is me spending hours on a sermon, and yet still being unsatisfied with the outcome...getting angry with myself for not putting in the hours I "should"...and yet, on Sunday morning, seeing the dry bones come together, tendons and sinews spring forth, and skin come on the bones. And the bones then move, breathed with new life.
Grace is being freed from your sin, so it no longer has to take up the majority of your life. Grace is the chains of bondage to laziness, to greed, to lust, to whatever...shattered and left to rust into nothing. Grace is the freedom to run on new legs, given, free of charge, to a paralytic.
I choose to live in grace, in that gap beyond my own abilities, the place called 'faith'. I can't live their on my own, and trust me, I've tried. I have tried to live larger, live bigger, live better than my abilities would allow...but, it only works out when I do this with grace.
I still feel like I've come up short in my description, but words can't describe a concept like grace. But, would we want them to? Grace is not something to be describe, or discussed, or analyzed. It is rather something that must be experienced and lived, beyond ourselves, and immersed wholly in God's love.
But, I digress from grace (don't we all?).
Grace. What a simple, foundational concept to our Christian faith. Words cannot describe this, and yet we always try. I think the best visions of grace are not in sermons, no matter how eloquent. They are in the eyes of a child, immediately after being disciplined, yet the child clearly wants nothing more than a hug to realize they're still loved. Grace is seen in an overworked parent taking the five minutes to play an undignified game of tag with a four year old. A child's laugh. A crisp, clear sunset.
Grace is me spending hours on a sermon, and yet still being unsatisfied with the outcome...getting angry with myself for not putting in the hours I "should"...and yet, on Sunday morning, seeing the dry bones come together, tendons and sinews spring forth, and skin come on the bones. And the bones then move, breathed with new life.
Grace is being freed from your sin, so it no longer has to take up the majority of your life. Grace is the chains of bondage to laziness, to greed, to lust, to whatever...shattered and left to rust into nothing. Grace is the freedom to run on new legs, given, free of charge, to a paralytic.
I choose to live in grace, in that gap beyond my own abilities, the place called 'faith'. I can't live their on my own, and trust me, I've tried. I have tried to live larger, live bigger, live better than my abilities would allow...but, it only works out when I do this with grace.
I still feel like I've come up short in my description, but words can't describe a concept like grace. But, would we want them to? Grace is not something to be describe, or discussed, or analyzed. It is rather something that must be experienced and lived, beyond ourselves, and immersed wholly in God's love.
29 October 2007
Update...?
I have no idea where to start. I'm not entirely sure there is a place to start. The youth group here is both amazing and horrific, all at the same time. I find my heart breaking for each one of the kids, as they virtually all have had more hardship in their lives than any 5 people should. Going to youth and the various ministries are some of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
And yet...I love it. I can't imagine life without this kind of hardship. Had I known what I was praying for all these years in terms of "Jesus, send me to the place where your love is most needed" I might not have done it, but I am sure glad that I did. There is no joy greater than spending time with a girl whose mother has decided she doesn't want her around and sends her to live with her grandmother (who is already caring for her mother). Yes, the girl has a few "behavior problems", but just getting a chance to play basketball with her (we split the games 1-1) and realizing that through that, I'm helping God redeem His Creation.
Me. God has chosen me for this. He has chosen you for this. We get to help God! He doesn't need us, but, like a loving father, He wants us to participate, to take on the family business, if you will. Words cannot describe what this means to me.
And, I get paid to preach the gospel. I feel almost guilty. This is nuts.
Anyway, I could go on, but I'd just be saying the same thing. I got a flat the other day, though, so that's fun. I'll be welcoming quite a few friends to come by and visit in the coming months, but there's always room for more, so please contact me to book in your stay at my place...the shuttle service can pick you up at Sydney or Newcastle airports, or anywhere in between.
And, for those lovely people that want to send me things, my address is below. That should be everyone. If it isn't, we're in a fight.
And yet...I love it. I can't imagine life without this kind of hardship. Had I known what I was praying for all these years in terms of "Jesus, send me to the place where your love is most needed" I might not have done it, but I am sure glad that I did. There is no joy greater than spending time with a girl whose mother has decided she doesn't want her around and sends her to live with her grandmother (who is already caring for her mother). Yes, the girl has a few "behavior problems", but just getting a chance to play basketball with her (we split the games 1-1) and realizing that through that, I'm helping God redeem His Creation.
Me. God has chosen me for this. He has chosen you for this. We get to help God! He doesn't need us, but, like a loving father, He wants us to participate, to take on the family business, if you will. Words cannot describe what this means to me.
And, I get paid to preach the gospel. I feel almost guilty. This is nuts.
Anyway, I could go on, but I'd just be saying the same thing. I got a flat the other day, though, so that's fun. I'll be welcoming quite a few friends to come by and visit in the coming months, but there's always room for more, so please contact me to book in your stay at my place...the shuttle service can pick you up at Sydney or Newcastle airports, or anywhere in between.
And, for those lovely people that want to send me things, my address is below. That should be everyone. If it isn't, we're in a fight.
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